by Jesse Hewit / Writing / 0 Comments
This text was originally created for FRONT (PDX).
(these are things that aren’t monolith. aren’t mine. aren’t fixed and aren’t fixes. things somewhere between surviving and sensing. things between the points in the constellation of practices. so, agree or don’t agree or don’t even think about it like that or)
33. this can’t be it, so don’t worry so much about what you didn’t do. 34. if someone loves fruit punch, then keep some in the fridge. it will make them feel good. 35. risk is very very important. getting knocked out is very very important. you don’t know what’s going on. (fine.) 36. time is money. time is also debt. it is jail and it is freedom. the thing is to get under the blanket of time and just feel warm without suffocating. 37. sometimes you don’t like the person who really likes you. 38. exquisite baba ganoush is so easy. 39. old friends are a specific and priceless thing to have, so check up on folks. 40. your body may or may not tell you when it’s time to run away from something. don’t preemptively freak out. just fortify for the fallout in case you miss your stop and end up empty. 41. practicing doing nothing is a class privilege. (fine?) 42. consciousness is colonized, of course, so consider more dispossession of your body. 43. TANTALIZING COCK! 44. the first solution is still swamped with capitalist baggage. hold out for #5 or #6. 45. identity is less interesting than what happens when you let yourself be carried away by a wave of agreed-upon collaboration. 46. some hookers and radicals and other geniuses actually want to own property and have retirement plans. queer can mean a development of realities and it can be retroactive and often very personal. 47. it’s okay to worry that you might not want to fuck you lover anymore in a year or so. we weren’t made for this system, and your heart is fine. 48. yep. you’re a fucking monster. 49. your practice will save you in direct and mundane ways. again and again. 50. you can get most of what you need from dead people. you just have to give them things first. 51. it’s good to have someone across the room who knows what you’re really up to. 52. once you think you definitely can’t make art anymore, then you’re ready to make art. go ahead, child. 53. dancing together can be outrageously, wholly, utterly, and simply healing. maybe this should stop surprising you. maybe not. 54a . you’re never too old to suck dick like a rock star in the balcony of a highschool auditorium. 54b. blessed be. 55. we are all killers. dissociation is a dangerous and empty privilege. 56. it’s okay to fall in love with someone right away. it’s also okay to never do that at all. 57. there are many many other worlds. 58. this world was not meant for us. 59. good hospitality is fucking generous and classy. 60. if you hold someone’s feet down so that they don’t leave their body and cross over during a dance, then you are bonded. 61. being young and critical with another person is just right. being older and less critical with another person is not necessarily letting anything slip. I see you. 62. lots of meaning-making is generally tethered to a big clumsy pile of misogyny. pflfffwshfrtzzzzzz. dance differently; get rocked. 63. it’s okay to exert some energetic care over a room of people. even if you don’t know what you’re doing, it might make them feel easier. 64. if you like to sing, you should sing, honey 65. being next to someone as they are outraged/exploding is a gift, all around. listen closely. 66. being poor is sometimes cute and sometimes not cute. 67. having sex with your mentors can mean alot of work afterward because we live in cultures where certain boundaries are upheld with an almost hysterical tightness. This, of course, is why it can be so beneficial to have sex with your mentors. 68. if you don’t know what to make, start tracing the points and distances in the room. follow their strength and pace. let the height of the walls possess you. fall over, as shots of energy from the floor and ceiling whack you at the same time. turn around and deal with the universe of directions and forces and widths and paths behind you. suddenly realize that your ribs and legs and cheeks have the same physical properties and dynamism as the space around you. articulate the shoots from your eyes down your back and through your perfect feet. throw it away. puke with your body. run. grab the flowers and collapse and pivot and pitch the objects out and onto others and dig furiously and bring it all up to the light and let your muscles drown your face and wait wait wait WAIT and follow your hands and blow through the useless narrative of closure and logic and value and throw your head off to one side and implode in tears (!) and realize your generosity. count everything. chase everything. get fucked by everything. yell back. hurl out your arms and smile. here you are. sweetheart. you’re such a fucking gorgeous dancer and everything is happening right now. this. this. this. this. this. I can feel you. 69. yes that one collaboration that exists beyond language and socialization is a gift from god. 70. it’s wonderful – in a certain context – to have someone to hit very hard and get hit by. it loosens the bit. 71. learning a new way of dancing can actually totally change how you think about your little life and so of course this is a good idea. prepare. 72. some people need to just give you things. it’s fantastic to let them and it’s nice to not fuck with their purpose. 73. magic works. 74. perfect tops are surprise attack angels. BAM. 75. the breadth of difference in what we each need in order to be okay can be totally heart-breaking. maybe try to just be fascinated by it. 76. older people are not there for you to take from. this is a sick culturalism that renders elders neutered, tired, and white-washed. change this. also older people are better dancers. 77. gossip is tricky so don’t lean in too much. 78. it’s real to notice when a relationship transitions from opportunistic to affinity-driven. nobody tricks anybody here, so honor the complexity of origins and enjoy where you land. 79. check out how animals do temporality. be patient. go past disorientation. 80. people will trust you. oh you. this is a great reason to stay alive. 81. you can pass alot back and forth (and it can be important, sustaining things) by jumping right into a new person woosh and then allowing for a soft dance. you can also keep it rough and just do it that way. 82. we are horrible and confused idiots. we cannot afford to resent what we are. acceptance is tremulous and sweet. 83. we’re dying. we’re dying. we’re dying. we’re dying. whew. 84. forgive yourself forgiveyourself forgiveyourself.
/cover photo by Michiel Keuper